Thursday, February 19, 2015

Patiently waiting

    I've got a few life decision I could and should be making. But I'm waiting. Holding off. I waffle everyday on wether it's a good idea, or it's an idea that should wait. Or, perhaps an idea I should just allow to slip away.  I set myself decision deadlines. And they come and go, and I extend these deadlines until the next thing that may be a deciding factor comes along.
   Perhaps it's because some of the time I feel  I'm not as connected as I should be. Connected to here, connected to people, connected to community.  Maybe it's the constant discovery of I really don't know the things I do nearly as well as I think I do.  What if I dive in, headlong, and then life tosses me the hot potato, but there's no one to toss that potato too?  There's a constant feeling of "this life is not your own, to do as you wish with. Your life is so thoroughly interdependent on others that if you fail, you will fail them."
   So with that, I wait, again. This time I wait for the email or notice stating that Level 5 of the master spinners program is a go.  This year, only level 6 is guaranteed. And I won't hear until May wether or not the course is running.  For now I plan and dream and try to decide if I should or not.....